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February 2001 Archives

A White Utopia

It snowed today. It SNOWED today. For those of you who’re going “so what”, this is Tucson. It hasn’t snowed here in a few years. Min looked out of the window and let out a little scream of “it’s snowing!”. It’s her first time seeing snow. Funny, considering that she has been to Canada. The white Christmas atmosphere lasted all of ten minutes, at most. It reverted back to good old rain when the sun peeked its head out from behind the clouds.

Min and I went to McKale Center to watch the Cats play Washington. The atmosphere wasn’t as exciting as the UCLA game as we pretty much maintained a lead most of the night.

Before the game Min had some language experiment at the Communication building. I stood in the corridor, waiting for her to finish it so that we could head down to McKale together. Walking down the corridor of the old building brought up familiar feelings. I had the same feeling when I walked in the musty corridors of the Physics and Atmospheric Sciences building (PAS). I remember peeking into the little rooms and seeing the elaborate setup of test-tubes and thermometers forming a Camelot of crystal. I sometimes wonder if I took the right path in life. Rather, whether I’m about to take the right path. The world of business and the academic world are indeed worlds apart. The stark, clean look of McClelland Hall which was home to the Business College felt rather cold and impersonal. Whenever I walk through its halls I feel a need to watch my back, to be “on top of my game”. The old buildings of PAS and Communications felt so much more homely. It was a utopia away from the real world, where theories were made and tested, sometimes for the sheer fun of discovery.

The more I read about the philosophy of Aristotle, Plato and Socrates, the poetry of Lucan, Homer and Dante I see a world I can manipulate and change. A place where I can make a difference. I’m soon to be admitted into the Management Information Systems program for good, and to be honest, I’m afraid. While I know that I’m not adverse to programming and the like, I do know it does not stimulate me like the arts of dialectic or poetry. I stand at the crossroads, and I really don’t know.

Run, Just Run

I went to a resume critique session today to have my resume erm….critiqued. For those of you who’ve read my previous entry will know that God put it in my heart to include the words “To God be the glory” in a small font at the footer of my resume. I confess that there were moments I was afraid that people would actually see the words. My courage grew when my undergraduate advisor didn’t comment on them, mainly because she didn’t see them.

The reviewer at the critique session, however, did. She told me that she didn’t mean to offend me, but that she was afraid that the words might offend the people who would interview me. It’s a lengthy process getting into the MIS major. When I saw that she noticed the small print, I was flustered but thanks to God, I had enough composure to tell her that I felt those words had to be there. I told her that should I be denied due to those words, maybe it was for the better.

Dear friend, I will tell you that even now I am still afraid. I am afraid of not getting into the major. I am afraid of being interrogated. I am afraid of losing my self-esteem. I even contemplate taking the words off and playing it safe. Much as I pride myself in being a non-conformist, I find myself under the burden of societal expectations. Yet a still small voice inside me reminds me to remember who I am. And that who I am is solely because of what God has done for me. We often read about the trials and tribulations that befall Christians the world over, never for a moment thinking of putting ourselves in their shoes. This is my tithe. This is my offering. This is who I am. I am nothing without Christ.

Do pray for me. That I may hold on firmly to my identity in Him. My strength is so frail and weak, but there is so much abundance in Him. I am urged to remind you that we are all new creations in Christ. And He calls to us all to rise above, as is the nature of the new creation, to soar on wings as eagles. To run and not be weary. To walk and not faint. He comforts me, and commands me not to be afraid, for in Christ our transformation is complete. We are made to fly. In His strength.

God help us all.

Lord Prepare Me

Eric left for Melbourne this morning to do his master’s degree in speech therapy. I heard from Faith and then from Matthew that he left like a “movie star”, to quote Matthew’s exact words. While I’m glad that he had friends and family around for his departure, I must admit that I couldn’t help but feel a little jealous that I was no recipient of such attention. Sigh. There are so many times I wish I could stop my jealous self. It doesn’t attack directly like anger or lust, but from the side - slowly first, then overwhelmingly strong. Eric is a brother I love dearly, and I miss him so much more knowing that he won’t be around when I head home this summer.

There’s been a shortage of males serving in Changi Christian Assembly ever since John and Chin Keong’s generation moved into the marriage stage. The few that stayed behind from our generation took over the responsibilities. Most of them fell mainly on Eric, Eddie and myself. I know that I haven’t been as useful as Eric and Eddie, as I often take a rather passive approach when it comes to ministry. I am thankful that Eric and Eddie have always been there to shoulder the weight of the administrative tasks, and their talents have certainly come in at a time we needed them most. I am not musically inclined like Eric, or half as bilingual as Eddie, and there are times where I feel more like a hindrance than a help. But I know that if my heart is devoted to God and Him alone, He will use me wherever pleases Him.

To the young ones in Changi, I read of your growth in the Lord and am thankful for the many ways He has blessed us through you. I now minister unto you in the role I have often been given - the bringer of “bad news”. Many things will distract you from the Way and attempt to pull at you in all directions. The earth shall be shaken and all those who do not have their foundations in Christ will be swept away. Pray continuously for each other, that we may prove to be pleasing unto Him till the final day. God bless you all.

When You Wish Upon A Star

I had the most funny dream last night. I dreamt that a meteor hit earth, and all it made was a huge crater. I was standing in the crater with another person I can’t now recall. I was trying so hard to climb out of the crater because the sides were concave, and the top of the side required me to hang by my hands alone. I climbed up till that point, and I remember being afraid of going beyond this point, for I risked a very nasty fall. I hung on for my life and made it near the top, where a helpful hand saved me from falling right back into the crater. It was then I woke.

The meaning of the dream was not apparent to me till I chatted with Faith over ICQ. I had spent the better part of last night drafting out my resume. It was a requirement as I had to be interviewed before I could continue unto the more advanced stages of my degree in Management Information Systems. As I filled in the spaces kindly provided by Microsoft’s resume template, the ambition within me grew, and I had quickly forgotten to be thankful to God who had given me everything. While chatting with Faith I told her that God reminded me not to place my life as a shooting star only to hit earth, and spend the rest of my days climbing out of the crater my ambition had created. An amazing revelation, and ever so timely. On the bottom right of my resume, I place the words “To God be the glory” in small letters. For I owe everything to Him.

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