No Longer 20/20
It gets harder and harder, doesn’t it?
To stay clear-headed, unbiased and logical in our everyday decision-making. I remember as a child I often thought adults were blind to the obvious when decisions seemed so black-and-white. They’d often chide me, then tell me how I missed out on the other points of view, or that I didn’t take into account the various factors involved. That being them wasn’t as easy as I made it out to be.
I never bought their excuses. I knew that they’d never take advice from another adult, let alone a child - their child. I knew that even if I made perfect sense and presented my opinion as articulately as was possible, there’d be something I “forgot” or “didn’t understand”. It was always “hard”.
Now many years later I find myself saddled with the emotional baggage accumulated on the way to adulthood. I’d be lying if I said that I see things much clearer now, because I don’t believe I do. If anything, the eyes of my heart have grown more clouded, more cynical and less simple. I’m faster to judge, slower to forgive and more “assertive”.
It’s good they say - to be assertive. That’s not how I wanted to be. I can almost see my own child self shaking his head as I walk with arms outstretched, stumbling around in the fogginess of my mind. I hear his voice, but like the adults that had chided him before, I ignore him. He’s too young and idealistic. The real world’s not like that.
Their excuses have become mine. I want so much for things to be fresh again, to be renewed. I know that Jesus Christ is the Source of all new life and that in Him I can find the strength to live as a child; in simplicity of thought and pureness of heart. I know I need to come to the feet of the One who died for me.
He calls us all, you know? To leave all this mess behind and find that which I’ve - which we all - have been looking for.
I write this tonight because I want my children to know that there will come many times when I ought more to be like them than like me; that being older doesn’t always mean being wiser. I only pray I have the humility to hear their thoughts, for often their thoughts are closer to His than mine.