We trudge upon the road. Once upon a time pioneers, now tired and forgotten. Our backs are heavy with the memories of so many who have left the path. Comrades we respected, friends we loved, now blown away like the sands of time.
With Dawn’s departure, I am led to think of so many others, both real and virtual. There is hardly any distinction between the two: a physical meeting is no more tangible than the reading of a blog. Now with Arizona behind me, the transience of life becomes ever more apparent to me.
We have wasted far too much time making sandcastles. The Bridegroom stands by the door and we’re still stumbling on our feet trying to stay awake. Many of our lamps have long burnt out and still many more flicker precariously. No one even mutters or cries “When Lord?” anymore, because our eyes have long lost focus of the one true purpose of all creation. “The Lord is not tardy about what He promises, as some consider tardiness, but He is patient towards you, not desiring that any should perish, but that all should turn to repentance.” (2 Peter 3:9).
I’m still looking for a job. Now that most of the renovations and preparations are completed for our new place and Ralph and Ai’s wedding matters are behind me, my sense of self-worth takes a beating whenever others mention how I should be earning some money. It is a fact that I am well-aware of, but hate being constantly reminded of.
I need so much humility. Did Christ not bear the scorn of the world for me? I want so much to walk the way He wants me to.
I want to do web-design because it is something I have spent so much time working on. I want to do work that impacts the world. I want to be recognised without having to mention so much as my name to another person. In His own gentle way He has led me to see that these ambitions hold no place in His heavenly kingdom. However noble or self-giving I could dress my ambitions up, what I wanted had to be what He wanted, no more or less.
Recently I have been led to look at work outside of web-design. It is not easy giving it up, but I have to learn to count it all but loss that I may gain Christ. I’m thinking of applying to work in Prisons. But like I said, however noble an intention, Christ needs to be its Origin and Ending.
I lay myself at His feet. May His strength be made perfect in my weakness.