Tribolum.com Making Light of Things

It’s Chinese New Year’s again. It used to be a time of collecting money. Those married would have to give little red packets containing token sums of money. These token sums would inevitably be used to determine whether the giver spent his old age at a resort-style retirement home with his great-grandchildren or in a dilapidated hut, all alone.

Giving out these red packets add up to quite a considerable wallop on the pocket. A off-the-cuff equation is as follows:

Impact on wallet = (number of nieces, nephews, young cousins, household pets and plants) x (how close each respective member is to the giver)

If you look at this tradition as a kind of monetary installment for family ties, the cost of a large extended family would probably be the same as a smaller, close-knit family. Having a large, close-knit family would send you to the bank begging for a loan.

This Chinese New Year Faith and I have concocted a solution to this money-losing scheme:

Anne.

After unsuccessfully training her to put her hands together whenever someone says “gongxi, gongxi”, I’ve decided to bring along some sticky tape. Taping both her hands together should achieve the same effect whenever she waves her arms around. This little gesture, accompanied by her good looks, should make any passerby empty their pockets, safe deposit boxes and off-shore bank accounts.

We’re not losing money this year. I repeat: we’re not losing money this year.