Re-union
There’s an unbelievable amount of stress Chinese families go through this time of the year. The Lunar New Year is without a doubt the most institutionalised Chinese festival in Singapore, observed by almost all Chinese, whether Christian, Buddhist, Taoist or Atheist. Shopping malls, hawker centres, coffee shops and even 7-11s close on Lunar New Year’s eve, the night of the reunion dinner.
While the purpose of the reunion dinner is to bring families together for a meal, the contradiction is that its special significance often creates very divisive forces within families. For the normal nuclear family, husband and wife often have to contend with the yearly dilemma of whose family takes precedence; who’ll be the filial child and who’ll be in danger of being disowned. Snide remarks are passed by parents who feel snubbed that their sons chose the in-laws instead of their own sashimi buffet reunion dinner. Words like “ingrate” hang in the air, and daughters break down in tears, finding themselves unable to be in two places at the same time.
We end up doing one of the following:
- Attend both dinners. Make an early exit from the first one then rush to the in-laws’. Hope no one notices.
- Alternate reunion dinners. This year at the in-laws’, next year at the parents’.
- Go overseas for a short holiday on your own. At least we treat each side with equal disdain.
What did you do this year?
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we stayed in australia and refused to come back, giving excuses such as "it is hard to get away from work.. not enough leave.. too expensive to go back during CNY."
we spent our reunion dinner in the comfort of a hotel room hehe...no need to spend with either's in laws, fair and square...no stress except for having to deal with the two very notty rascals :)
wish you all a happy, healthy and prosperous CNY :)
Think option 2 is the best one. It's fair and not as stressful as option 1.
This year my choice was pretty simple (although they are not technically my "in-laws"). My side of the family decided to go on a little holiday approximately 3000 miles away while his family was just 6 hours' drive away.
That's kinda sad. Almost everyone I know have settled into some kind of pattern though: Eve on one side, Day 1 with the other; or the week before on one side, the eve with the other. I mean, there are 15 days to CNY! Of course since I am not married, I may not fully understand the intricate manoeuvring required...
My wife and I do what we did every year since we got married:
1) Both side of our parents come together to have reunion dinner. I guess it helps when we don't have large sized families. So this solves the problem of visiting them on 1st day of CNY;
2) We selectively visit relatives, i.e. very very few (yeah, we get the usual "how come they didn't visit nowadays but it's either that or suffer the physical stress).
I think this works for us 'cos our parents aren't the fussy traditional type. They understand that we have our own lives. I really appreciate them for that open-mindedness and don't mind the break from rigid tradition.
Indeed, its the most stressful festival of the year.
My wife's parents are great, they usually have the reunion dinner the weekend before the reunin dinner itself. So this year reunion dinner is on 17th, they had th reunion on the 10th. Every one wins.