September 2007 Archives

One of the reasons why its been hard to keep Tribolum updated is that I’m stretched a little thin over too many blogs. There’s Websg, where I keep the more technical stuff going (currently also terribly neglected) and my photolog, which has been a zen garden for me. Photography packs so much without the bustle of superfluous words.

There’s so much I want to say, but even more I want to feel; want you to feel.

You don’t see many Singaporean fathers alone with their young children.

I had initially wanted to write this post a few weeks ago; about how much fathers were missing out by not biting the bullet and taking their kiddos out for some one-to-one time. I wanted to write about how the notion is scarier than it seems - that a day out with your toddler is absolutely harmless.

Somehow life, and your child, has a way of humbling you. Just when you thought you had a good grasp of things, the rules would change. Whether it’s how to get her to sleep, or your foolproof plan to get some time alone with your Xbox, children will find a way to break your routine.

So I’ve had a few successful outings with Anne. Amazing, wonderful times. And I thought I had it down pat - the whole deal of keeping her occupied, getting her food, scheduling some rest in between activities etc. Then three Sundays ago I brought her to church by myself as Faith wasn’t feeling up to it.

Hell broke loose on the way home.

When you’re scrubbing somebody elses’ underpants while humming a Barney song that has enslaved your mind the entire afternoon.

It’s been a crazy past 2 months. The kinda crazy that has you lying awake on your bed, thoroughly exhausted yet mortally afraid that you can’t continue like this but you must kinda crazy, know what I’m talking about?

Faith’s nausea has her in a constant tug-of-war with the retching gods, and it pains me to see her continually in that state. I’m doing whatever I can around the house - making sure everyone’s fed, the housework’s done, the laundry washed and the kiddo out of mommy’s hands every now and then so that Faith can get some much needed shuteye. Faith sleeps quite a bit these few days. I can only imagine how tiring it is to control the urge to purge every single moment of every day.

But God has been amazingly gracious, and I am so very thankful for even the smallest things. Faith manages a smile every now and then when the nausea subsides, and I fall madly in love with her again. I realise how frail and weak my love for her is - that it is dependent on her being what I know of her. Were she to suffer some personality-changing trauma from a mental or physical illness, I really wouldn’t know what to do.

His faithfulness is greater than ours, and His love hopes forever.