Recently in Army Diaries Category

Had a bit less than two hours to spend with the wife and kids this evening before heading back to camp. It’s so hard leaving Anne, who’s sobbing away crying “I want daddy”, and asking me only to leave in the morning.

I hate to do this to the little girl.

The week spent in the jungle was enlightening. While Singapore purports to be a homogeneous society, it is important that we recognise the unique characteristics that mark the differences of the major races. It would be a mistake to blind ourselves and pretend we were all brought up the same way or that all of us view life with a capitalistic self-serving worldview. That we should seek the betterment of our country only because it is in our self-interest.

Over the course of the last week, cut off from the comforts of daily living, I’ve come to realise how reliant we’ve become to the “the finer things in life”. Especially so for the Chinese Singaporeans. Right this moment, four of my Malay friends are asleep on their beds, having chosen to stay in the bunks overnight despite having been given last night off. In contrast, all the Chinese guys I know flew out of camp the first possible minute, many heading to shopping malls.

When i was eleven and in Australia, I’d look to the horizon at night, at what I believed was the general direction of Singapore. I’d wonder what you were doing right that very instant - if you were having dinner with your family, laughing with them or sitting in a corner reading a book like you always would.

Tonight I sat at the back of an army truck, in the middle of a great dusty nowhere, looking towards a direction I believed was our home - and I wondered if you were playing with Anne; if you guys were laughing.

What was true so many, many years go is also true now. I want so much to be a part of your world, to hear your laughter and be there should you face an occasion to cry.

I’m comforted that some things have remained the same all these years.

Sitting here in the darkness in a truck in the middle of the jungle, I think of brightly lit cafes - places where the shroud of night has little meaning. Here, the absence of the sun means everything is done differently. The desire to sleep so much stronger, especially as we await orders that may come this very night or the next morning.

Ever since those 2 NSmen uploaded a video of their own little skit unto Youtube, all image-capturing devices have been banned on military installations.

Over the last week I’ve had the dubious honour of living in Pasir Laba camp, the former School of Infantry Specialists. It seems almost a crime not to be able to bring you images of this alternate universe Singaporean males have privy to.

The view from my bunk is quite spectacular. When I first hauled my trunk of junk up 6 flights of stairs, I was greeted by a most amazing view. On the horizon stood SAFTI’s tower with a large Singapore flag flying proudly atop it. It was a hazy day, and the scene was so surreal. It brought about mixed feelings. Pride, that I should look up to an steadfast tower when I needed that extra strength. There was also a tinge of Tolkieneque fear, that the eye of Sauron looked down upon us peons engaged in menial sweaty tasks.

I kid you not when I say life in the army is an alternate reality separated from the rest of the world. It moves at a different cadence - the left-right left-right of a young cadet’s strident voice, as opposed to the million individually shuffling feet at the nearby shopping mall.

I feel so incomplete without feeling the weight of Anne in my arms every morning; the smell of her head or the grasp of her hand.

Dearest Faith and Anne,

the sun sets on another day, and it is oddly painful to know that we share the same golden sunset, but apart. I’m listening to Tanya Chua’s “I’ll Remember You” on whatever juice I have left on the iPod. I use to reminisce over this song while I was in the US.

Everyone tells me how great it is that we made it through the long distance relationship, but I never felt distant even back then. Being with you, however long or brief a time has filled my days and nights with enough laughter and happy memories to sustain me till we meet again, be it weeks or years.

Thank you for making my life so, for lack of a better word, melodious.

Dearest Faith and Anne,

it is the nights I miss you both the most.

It might have been stupid of me to have forgotten to bring my mobile phone, but somehow the inavailability of instant communication has made clearer to me the things I take for granted daily.

It has been a long time since I’ve had an entire night of uninterrupted sleep, but I know that my place is with the both of you.

My girls. The girls of my life. God has really blessed me with a life of protecting, caring, loving and being loved.

I miss you all. The YF comm especially. I’m reminding myself to cherish serving God alongside such beautiful people, each and every one.

I don’t know if I have the heart to leave Singapore anymore.

I think I’m falling in love with Hermione Granger.

The next few entries are a backlog written on pen and paper as I serve a one week reservist training in the Singapore Army.

Lying here in the bunk, on the other side of Singapore. Doing the “man” thing, protecting my country. I’ve come to realise that the worth of a man, his very essence, lies not in his accomplishments or his career, but in the people he loves and the people that love him.