Love and Basketball

Playing basketball is a most amazing thing. Somehow it has a profound effect on me. Besides the aching feet it has always given me time to think, time to reflect, time to recover. I guess I haven't been exactly paying attention to God these past few days and it has shown in my behaviour.
I have been more easily irritable, as evidenced by my mood swings. I have been less giving, as evidenced while Stephanie was here. Little things got to me. The most important of all was a little exchange I had with my mother.
She got upset with my sister and I for not calling back. To be honest, we called back less than five days before her complaint, and in her irritation showed in her emails. It got to me and I replied rather curtly, and now upon reflection, disrespectfully. We were upset that she had given Min's sweets to Louelle, my other sister, when it was meant for Min's friends. Logically, we had a right to be upset, or even angry.
God spoke to me today. Coming back from basketball and in the shower, things became clearer. This was no way to live. The love of God was not to be found in me. My mother works long and hard to put us through school and I was being calculative about my feelings. Even though I still wish she had been less harsh, I see the error of my ways. I hadn't read my bible for some time (church doesn't count) and with this core gone, everything had started to turn haywire. Having learnt that I got an award of "Highest academic achievement" from the University, my accomplishments were worn upon my breast like a medal. I had become proud and egoistical, even if it were in a silent way. Inconspicuous to everyone, but totally visible to God.
I am thankful that He did not leave me as such, for there is such an emptiness that comes with human pride. I am reminded that all good things come from Him. I am reminded that my parents are the best parents given to me by God. Most of all, I am reminded that despite my failures, God still reaches out to me. I know that by myself I will no doubt fail Him yet again, on another occasion. But He doesn't fail. Love doesn't fail.
So I want to apologise for my pride, my insensitivity and my lack of Christlikeness. I am still nowhere near where I ought to be, but I take comfort that God is patient with me, and I hope all of you are the same.

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