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More Than Words

I finished writing my ten page paper on journalism ethics last night. An absolute masterpiece, if I may say so. Of course no one else would probably agree with me, but hey, if I had to grade myself, I might as well give myself a perfect ten. After hours of toiling on bibliography and in-text citation formats and finishing that paper, I was about to raise my arm in triumph. Then I remembered. Had another paper I forgot to work on. Back to the drawing board. It felt fabulous at three in the morning. Somehow God had granted me enough strength to rise from my chair and drop (almost) dead on my bed.
Not sure if many of you can relate to this – but I get very excited when I write a good paper, or even a nice journal. I am not excited because I expect a good grade. On the contrary, I've had my head snapped back a few times when what I thought was a good paper wasn't well received. I am not excited because I thought I impressed anyone. It's a weird high that originates simply from the act of effective communication. I want to believe that in some way I touched someone, or evoked some level of thought. I guess this is one reason why I look forward to teaching, though I know that teaching is not the idealistic activity I envision in my mind.
The one thing that was in my thoughts this afternoon was this: What if I lost the ability to communicate? Would there be anything I would regret never saying? Any apology not given? Any gratitude unexpressed? I guess that's why I write these journals. In the hope that should anything happen to me, these words will be read and remembered.
The one thing I wanted to say was to Faith in particular.
Should the day come when my eyes close and never see
or ear cease to hear
or voice fade into the silence of night
Remember that in my mind's eye I see
the same most beautiful girl I know.
In my own silent galaxy
I hear your voice
and more than anything
my heart utters thanks to God above
for giving me the chance to love you
everyday and every moment.
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