Being the Best

A few weeks ago I was invited to apply for a scholarship under the Arizona State Legislature Internship program. If my application is successful, next semester would be spent up in Phoenix, Arizona working in the State Capitol under the governor of the State of Arizona or with the Supreme Court, depending on which position I land. Over the past week I've ploughed over this decision. Assuming I get the internship were I to apply would mean I'd graduate a semester later. This would mean Faith would have to wait another semester. Assuming I get the internship, I'd have to move to Phoenix for a semester and leave Min here by herself.
Counting these costs, why then would I apply? Upon getting the invitation I felt pleasantly surprised and rather excited at the prospect of working in the State Legislature. It sounded so pompous and important. I prayed to God for an answer, for I didn't even want to apply were it outside of His plan for me. I had to check my motivations very carefully and see if I were indeed right before Him.
Tonight I saw why I wanted to apply. Getting this internship would put me up there with the "good students". It would validate me as an outstanding student, not the academic failure I was used to being. I wanted to apply, obtain the internship and prove to myself that I was someone good. My motivations were spawned out of selfish ambition and pride. I see it more clearly now, and I know how I must choose.
I bend the knees of my heart before God and set my mind on things above. I thank Him, for He has delivered me from myself.
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