The Metamorphosis of Gomer

He smiled forcedly. His heart's blatant betrayal of his mind was etched not-so-subtly in the canvas of his face as he said his goodbye and walked into the sunset. Much as he tried, the colossal debate that went on inside twisted his very being, and the cacophony of torturous voices seemed ever ready to cloud sound judgement.
<em>I gave it my best shot. I put in everything. I always have…</em>, he muttered silently to himself. Again he had to face being alone. No, being alone was fine by him. It was the fact that he was being <em>made</em> alone, and that was what really hurt. Being made alone by one on whom he had lavished his patience, his love and his companionship. He opened the voice inside his mind, and no words came. If one listened very carefully, there was the slightly audible sound of pain. A short, choking sound. He would stifle it. It was not the Asian way for a man to feel pain.
He no longer knew how to love, for the only way in which he had trusted had caused him much sorrow. Though he tried as hard as he could not to think selfishly, he couldn't help but realise how little he got in return. He knew that his pain was exagerrated while he was in the midst of it, but he couldn't stop himself from calculating his loss. He sighed.
He realised how quickly he had forgotten the many times he had betrayed love showered on him. How often he had taken it for granted. He too, was careless in his youth, hurting many who loved him. He had forgotten what it was like to be young. Much as he wished, he couldn't deny the fact that he was just as self-centered back then. He tried to remember, to understand. He couldn't. It was almost like an amnesia erased whatever memory he had of his thoughts in his youth. He was certain that this same amnesia plagued mankind, and all parents would never understand their children completely.
His heart felt empty. It was devoid of any feeling, and no more love was to be found inside of it. He lay back, and prayed that he might be able to reflect the love he had received in his life, and maybe that would be enough to protect and care for the one he loved. Maybe then he would find the strength to be selfless and giving. He breathed in. It hurt. He bore Hosea's burden, because he knew that he too was once Gomer.
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