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Fast Forward to Mordor

I've finally reached the end of LOTR: Return of the King, the last book in the trilogy by Tolkien. Though Tolkien's language flows smoothly with the tranquility of the Elven rivers, it was an ordeal to reach the end of the book. It's a great book, no question about it. These are the reasons why I took so long:
<blockquote><li>I chose to read it just before going to bed.
<li>'cause Frodo was whining incessantly.
<li>Mordor's dark gloomy skies were really conducive for sleep.
<li>Orcs have no character.
<li>Neither Legolas nor Gimli were extremely interesting in this book.
<li>This is too much for me to bear Sam…Frodo would complain.
<li>he would be carried by Samwise Gamgee up the mountain.
<li>Ents weren't featured as vividly as in Book Two.
<li>Please help me Sam….
<li>Leave me here to die Sam…
<li>and Samwise would actually help him.
<li>Need water…I need water Sam….
<li>Ergh.
</blockquote>
I know I'm not giving credit to the weight of the ring he bears, but it gets tiring after 200 pages of complaints.
<strong>Update:</strong>
Since Faith has already discovered my plot. I'll let you guys in on this one. The first letters of all the bullet points read "I'm on the plane".
<div align = "right"><em>May 13th 11:46am</em></div>
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