Sweet Release

Getting married to Faith is just about the most natural thing to do. We've been together as a couple for a decade…yadda yadda. Yet the decision to marry wasn't one I could make alone, nor could I just make the decision with Faith, but the approval of God was essential to the both of us.
The gaining of this approval has been one of the hardest things for me in recent weeks. The life which God has called me to live is neither conducive to marriage nor the bringing up of a family. It's a pragmatic point of view, considering that a life of service usually means sacrifice, financially and otherwise. Initially I knew deep inside that Faith agreed to marry me because it was something that we've looked forward to so much of our lives. At times I felt that she couldn't understand the dilemma within me – the desire to be a good normal family man and at the same time serving God, sometimes at the cost of forgoing providing for my family comfortably. I knew in my heart of hearts that I had to learn to let go of the idea of marriage in order for God to show me His way. Not mine. His.
The cost had seemed too great to bear, and many tears were wept as I agonized over the process of handing it all over to God. How could I give up my dreams and hopes of spending my entire life with the woman I had loved for so long? How could I ever look upon her as a normal friend should God call me to give her up? Would I be able to? Faith didn't seem to grasp the full weight that fell on my heart. It was understandable that she wanted a family life that was in all respects adequately provided for. I couldn't promise her that. I was afraid to promise her that. I made a decision to obey that to which I've been called, at any cost. I can't even describe how hard it has been, not knowing if we'd eventually get married.
After much prayer she understood the risk which marrying me entailed. Her own relationship with God absolved, there was a liberation which both of us received. It was no longer us that mattered, but what He wanted. We knew then that God's peace was upon us.
Someone in church passed me the book "Husbands and Wives", an account of Christian husbands like C.S. Lewis and Issac Newton. It was then I knew.
We're getting married. Next year, God willing.
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