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Tossed Under Fire

I am so tired of being caught in the middle of tradition and circumstance. Wedding planning activities seem to be a cruel prank played on young couples by the gods of tradition. Pulled on many sides, I feel like a battered boat tossed about by the four winds, without so much as a rudder to steer myself.
That is right. I do not have a rudder of any sort. Coming fresh from the world of education means that I have not the funds to self-propel myself through this web of everyone elses' wants and needs, whims and fancies. Not having money also means that I have zero bargaining power, and though I, like many womenfolk out there, have my own visions of what my wedding will be like, have no power whatsoever to see it through. Being a man means that I should be the provider, the breadwinner. Not having the dough somehow makes me a lesser man. That's how I feel right now, at least.
I would like a small wedding with close friends and family. I want to shake the hand of all who attend, and be able to thank them for what they have been to the both of us. It doesn't look like it's going to be that way. In all probability it will become an obligatory duty, a time when my bride and I will be put props in a combined parental birthday party.
I hate to think the day of our dreams put to naught, never to return unto us. But I have not the strength to fight.
No, I have not the funds to fight. I rant impotently on my blog, and that is the extent of my power, my manhood.

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