On My Knees

So many mornings I'd wake up and read my Bible, and it brought me joy, sometimes comfort, sometimes encouragement, sometimes strength, depending on what God's Word for me was that day. It has been some time since it bought me pain.
We live in a world where Christianity sets itself up to be the dominant religion. We live in a world where Christians are the ones who are "entitled", so it seems, to the good things in life. TV-evangelists ask you to accept Jesus into your heart, so that all your problems will be solved and you will live a life happily ever after.
That's not exactly the truth.
Faith (my fiancee) asked me this morning if it were ok with me that she go to some remote village in China to help build houses under Habitat for Humanity. God had put it in her heart to join some other fellow Christians in this volunteer effort.
I can't even begin to describe the dilemma that went on within myself. We had both made it abundantly clear that we wanted Jesus to be the focal point of our lives and in our relationship. Yet after <a href="">yesterday's break in</a> at my house here in Tucson I felt so frightened and so unsure about everything that I would have thought was safe. I love her more than life itself and it would cut my heart in two should any harm befall her.
And the decision was mine to make: She would go only if I gave the green light.
It all boils down to an issue of submission. Do I risk all that I treasure in her? I had no qualms about giving myself up for my God, but when it came to her and what she meant to me, it wasn't that clear-cut. After a time what could only be described as spiritual wrestling I chose to let her go.
It will be almost one month of not talking to her over the phone. One month of not knowing how she's doing in a foreign land. Tears form in my eyes at the thought and my faith teeters on its feeble feet.
I read the first chapter of Colossians this morning. "…that in all things, He might have the preeminence" (Colossians 1:18). It was the verse we chose for our coming wedding next year.
Lord, I am of little faith but I know that when I accepted You as my Lord, I gave you first place in my heart. Not only do I pledge my life, I pledge the lives of those entrusted unto me for the sake of Your gospel. That You might have the preeminence.
I look upon His face. I feel free. After all, He's got the whole world in His hands, right?
Please keep me in prayer.

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