In my Bible readings I never did quite like the apostle Paul. Though he wrote most of the epistles in the New Testament, it was sometimes hard to relate to how perfect this guy was. Though he had the notorious past of being a Christian-killer in his Pharisee days, he maintained such humility, exercised such authority and seemed so systematic in his approach to problems.
Peter just seemed so much more down-to-earth. Here was a fisherman (not some highly educated elite like Paul) who followed Jesus, proclaimed his loyalty only to deny ever knowing Jesus in the heat of the crucifixion. Not just once, but three whole times. Ashamed when the resurrected Jesus asked him "do you love me?", Peter admitted his own human weakness.
I feel for someone like that.
But these few days, reading Paul's letter to the Romans, I find the words speaking directly to me. Paul speaks of his own struggles within. "That which I want to do, I don't do. That which I don't want to do, I do". The internal dichotomy of being and the intensity of the struggle within reflected exactly my life these past few days. Paul, later in his life, writes about a "thorn in his side", and many Bible scholars have been quick to speculate as to what it is.
His cataracts…his weakness of health. So many guesses.
I know why he was vague. He wrote it for me. So that I, in my own weakness, would remember that he too had his. The Paul that told us all to "fight the good fight of faith" was human, just as I was human. And his words beckons us to look upon the "Author of our faith", because He alone is without sin.
So tonight, like Paul, I looked. And I realised that He loves me despite myself. His love melts away all my imperfections. I am His child.

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