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There's something very debilitating about joblessness. I ate lunch alone, as I do everyday, missing Faith who is busy making my lunches a possibility. I am so thankful to have her as my wife: she has never grumbled or even brought up the fact that supporting me is a burden we did not plan on. Just when I thought she couldn't possibly be more deserving of my love, she exceeds every expectation my heart ever imagined.
I finally had time to restructure some parts of the site, on top of planning and praying about starting up on my own. I retrofitted some old layouts this morning. You can swap stylesheets at the <a href="?p=about.htm">About</a> page. They're hardly pixel perfect, due to technicalities I've given up struggling against (one afternoon is all that I can spare). It's something to do with nested CSS boxes, if you're interested to know.
In this time of seeking out God's will for me, it has been hard not to hold on to my own ideas of what my future ought to be. I've had so many dreams pass me by as I grow older; some more ambitious than others. But God wants for me to lay down everything at His feet, and that is something I'm still learning to do.
I read about Hannah today and how she pledged her firstborn son for the Lord's service. There was no record of her struggle or any hesitation, but instead the Bible records her praising God while giving up her son. I'm sure she would have had the same reservations we all have when asked to give up something precious to us. She must have wondered if God would let her off her promise, or if he was indeed tangibly real enough to do anything about it should she not keep her end of the bargain.
But she praised. In like manner, I fall on the knees of my heart, offering everything I have and everything I am only because He is worthy of these things and much more.

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