Crown Him With Many Crowns

It hasn't been the easiest time for me. Chinese New Year is an unkind time for those that don't fit the mould – the single and the jobless. Family gatherings mean questions: why are you still single, why haven't you found a job, when's the baby coming etc. It's all part and parcel of catching up, I guess.
I was hit hardest during family reunion dinner (Chinese New Year's eve) when we were called to <a href=""><em>lo hei</em></a>. As there were only a limited number of people who could toss the fish salad at any one time, the elders asked that those working do it first as they needed the "luck" on the job. It didn't help that relatives younger than me all found jobs they could talk about, or that I seemed relegated to toss salad with the rest of the retirees. At that very moment, I felt like I belonged nowhere. I had no identity. Freelancing, however you debate it, could hardly be considered a "real job" by the conservative definitions of our elders.In the few days preceding Chinese New Year's I received promise of a full-time job. A glimmer of hope. A "maybe" in a time of "no's".
But it wasn't the type of job I thought I'd do. Having graduated from a top-five (in the United States) Management Information Systems programme, I always envisioned myself walking down this blue-lit hallway of a large office building dressed in a suit, doing something important. If you looked out the floor-to-ceiling blue-tinted windows you'd find that the building was located in the middle of the financial district. Not Singapore's. Not anywhere I knew.
This "maybe" I hung on to wasn't anything like that. It was a small Christian startup located in an obscure part of Singapore. I'm sure it does good work even though it didn't have the same feeling of corporate importantance the "dream" job had. Part of me is so hungry I'd take it up the minute it came through. Another part of me wonders if taking this path would lead to a life that didn't yield anything of earthly importance.
I've been struggling with the giving up of my own ambition and still continue to do so. Somehow in God's own wondrous preparation my ego has been reduced to nought. At the <em>lo hei</em> table I discovered that I didn't belong, and I shouldn't spend a lifetime trying to belong to this world. Though fleeting, this revelation was like the work of a gentle farmer preparing the soil of my heart for His planting.
Dearest belov&eacute;d of God, you were bought with so great a price. You were made a little lower than angels (<a href="">Psalm 8</a>) to give it back. You were given a crown of righteousness to crown Him back. You were given a life to live for Him.
Reminder to self: Fulfill your purpose.

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