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Moving On

Faith read my entry yesterday and said something rather insightful. While I was trying to get some feedback on how she felt about our current situation, or whether my grouses with the powers-that-be here was a minor hiccup, she said this: There were more "thank God"s while you were there.
You could say that my life has been a roller-coaster ride with the regularity of a classic sine curve.
The next few paragraphs are a run-through the major events of my life, to illustrate my sine curve observation.<h4>Life of a Nutshell (<a href="#backtoregular">skip</a>)</h4>
In Primary school I was treated with disdain because I thought that doing homework for classes I didn't like was a waste of time. My Chinese teacher told me just before the one cumulative major exam that if I passed, she'd resign. I somehow manage to scrap an 'A', and she attributed it to her unorthodox motivation methods.
In Secondary school teachers began understanding that I had no desire to be an all A student. I wanted to study English at the university and teach literature. It was something I've wanted ever since I could read. They trusted me to deliver the valedictory address, which I bombed because I was over-confident and didn't need notecards.
When the results of my 'O' levels came back, it was almost like God had played a cruel trick on me. I did well for the subjects I hated. I almost failed English Literature. I would not see my life's dream fulfilled.
Having no interest in math (which I scored an A in), I opted to head to a course in International Business. I loved it there and did well. I was elected valedictorian and brought notecards this time.
Life in the army was plagued by injuries, largely due to the fact I was an over-enthusiastic soldier and obeyed ridiculous commands by larger-ranked fellow teenagers. Everyone thought I'd do great in the army. I didn't. To this day I still feel like I let myself and everyone down.
I missed the application deadlines for the big-name universities and applied for the University of Arizona's Management Information System programme. They gave me a scholarship to study there. It was only much later I discovered that according to our own university which loves rankings, the <a href="http://www.comp.nus.edu.sg/is/ranking.html">U of A's MIS programme is number one in the world</a>.
Companies I interviewed with here would much rather hire a local grad because I didn't graduate from an Ivy-league university and therefore copped out by going to one of these lesser-known ones. In a few interviews I get the raised-eyebrow treatment because I'm crazy about making the web a better place in terms of accessibility and fanatic attention to content. I might have landed a few jobs if I just told them I wanted to make sites "look nice".
I started my own web business because I wanted to see if my design philosophies to work. To be quite honest, the business isn't doing all that great. The fresh graduate down the street seems to be always charging half of what I charge because he desperately wants a piece for his portfolio.
So here I am, <a href="http://news-service.stanford.edu/news/2005/june15/jobs-061505.html" title="Steve Job's commencement address at Stanford University">foolish, and very hungry</a>.
<h4 id="backtoregular">Back to Regular Programming</h4>
So it would seem that my life was made up of good events following bad ones. Or bad events following good ones; half-full or half-empty depending on how you look at it.
But I digress.
Some people thank God in the good times of their lives but blame Him when the going gets tough. Others turn to God when the going gets tough but forget Him when things are smooth. If only we could be thankful for the good times and run to Him at the bad.
It was clear to me that I had forgotten the One who brought me here. While griping about the government I had forgotten the hand that put them there. I wanted the curve of my life to keep going upwards. I wanted to be successful, stringing together good events, writing the storyboard of my life.
<blockquote><p>You said in your heart,<br />
"I will ascend to heaven;<br />
I will raise my throne<br />
above the stars of God;<br />
I will sit enthroned on the mount of assembly,<br />
on the utmost heights of the sacred mountain.</p>
<p>I will ascend above the tops of the clouds;<br />
I will make myself like the Most High."</p>
<p><em>Isaiah 14:13-14</em></p></blockquote>
There are times it seems absolutely clear to me. That the poem of my life should bear the handwriting of a greater author. And there are times I wrestle long and hard with having to submit to the One who loved me enough to die for me.
Lord, this is where I end and where You begin. Write what You will.

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