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Raising Arizona

I had two sleepless nights of tossing and turning, thinking about Tucson. Bringing up Anne there. Having to leave friends and family behind. Maybe not finding Tucson the same as I left.
There is an unsent resume, bound for a mailbox at the University of Arizona, written for a position that seems tailor-made for me. Reasons for leaving. I wrote "I love Tucson" as my only reason. Maybe I should have put down something about job prospects or something more substantial. But there is nothing more substantial than this. I love Tucson.
There are times I wonder why there isn't the innate sense of loyalty my home country asks of me. Why can't I be like the rest, seemingly happy in this utopia of efficiency? I used to think these people were oblivious drones, but perhaps the fault lies with me.
Maybe I'm brainwashed by the "outside" people who tell me that Singapore is draconian, or that democracy is but a facade here. Maybe the casinos are for my own good and I am too stupid to see it. Maybe there is a reason behind the fare hikes on buses and trains even though no plausible one was given. Maybe it is just that I've never been able to accept things handed to me as-is. I've always had to know why, where, what, who and how.
But maybe you're right in that I, like the millions who live here, are too simple for the inner workings of grandoise plans like nation-building.
That is probably why I want to bring my family to a place where things are simpler. I stay awake thinking of flowers and cacti, sunsets and ice-cream, and sharing these at a slower pace with Anne and Faith.
Faith tells me that if I truly were as disgruntled with Singapore as I come across, that I should just pack up and leave. But I really, really want Singapore to work out. I came back wanting to change things.
Between numerous clients who laugh their heads off when asked to consider coding their websites so the visually disabled can view it and a "new" government who claims to listen but really doesn't, my enthusiasm has waned.
I am almost convinced of this: If I were to stay in Singapore, I need to care less. I need to care less about how things are built and more about how they look. I need to care less about values as long as the ends justify the means. I need to realise I'm not living in friggin' Camelot.
I have been described as a lucky bastard. I have the perfect wife and now the perfect child. We're looking for a new home. I'm willing to renovate the old one if you show me how.

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