Sick and Tired

It's Sunday morning and I'm home with the flu. It's funny how I seek time alone, but feel lonely whenever my alone time coincides with someplace I ought to be, and some people I ought to be with.
In this case, I'm usually at church Sunday mornings. I can't help thinking of what people there are doing now, the looks on their faces, whether they're smiling. When I take time off work, it's the same deal – I always wonder how people are doing in routine-land.
It is not to say that I'm one who doesn't take well to being alone. I just don't like taking time off unless I'm absolutely sure no one needs me. Back in Tucson, I spent many sunsets by the mountainside because I knew Min was catching the lastest episode of Friends. I'd rush back in time for dinner.
Maybe it's because I don't like relying on people. I don't like others doing what should be my responsibility. I don't like the idea of not contributing.
I don't like the flu.

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