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What Ifs

<blockquote>Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,<br />
And sorry I could not travel both…</blockquote>
Robert Frost's "<a href="http://www.bartleby.com/119/1.html">The Road Not Taken</a>" is often misquoted as "the path less travelled". Most are able to quote the famous last lines of the poem, "I took the one less traveled by, / And that has made all the difference." in a Frank Sinatrasque "I did it my way" manner.
But the poem isn't about defying all odds or grasping life by the balls, unlike Sinatra's swan song. It is a poem about the uncertainty that comes with being unable to be at all places at the same time.
It succinctly sums up how I have been feeling of late.It could just be the <a href="http://tribolum.com/archives/2006/08/21/up_up_and_away.php">green tea I drank</a>. Or my ungrateful heart.
Parenthood is the most wonderful thing I have ever experienced. It is also the scariest, most set-in-stone position you can ever find yourself in. It is not a job you can resign from, or a school you can transfer out of. The loss of control sucks the air out of my lungs like the moment before the rollercoaster plunge.
I sometimes wonder if I married too early, or whether I should have stayed in the States and tried my hand at landing the Silicon Valley job. Then there's my lifelong love affair with literature and the dream of one day teaching it.
With regards to marriage and parenthood, I'm pretty certain I'm blessed to the nth degree. Faith now sits beside me, going through Flickr photos of Anne who is asleep in the bedroom. I cannot imagine a woman who would love me the way Faith does, or a daughter as rambunctious and lovable all at once.
Career-wise, I like what I do. And I think I'm decent at the whole web thingamajig. Much as I love literature, I'm afraid to leave the world I've spent so much time learning about and understanding.
I wish I could ramble as poignantly as Robert Frost, but this hodgepodge muddle of words will have to do.

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