These few weeks have been really busy and packed with test after test, and readings after readings. Books lie on my bed waiting to be read. Juan Ruiz’s Book of Good Love, Gottfried von Strassburg’s Tristan, Denis Johnson’s Jesus’ Son and J.D. Salinger’s Catcher in the Rye lie on top of Goblin Moon, the Spiderman novel I was halfway through before academic hell broke loose. I’ve finished reading Catcher in the Rye. Thoroughly enjoyable I found myself admiring Holden Caufield, the anti-hero who was totally convinced that the whole world of adults were “phony”. It is not too hard to see why.
It’s been some time since I stepped into Jenelin’s websites, and it is amazing how this girl finds time to manage her sites so well. Her sites “Armands to Zounds” and “Barricade of Revolution” are found in my links page. I have always been intrigued by this young lady who shares my love for musicals. Rather, it is me who shares her passion, for she has plenty for the rest of us. She has since included a journal in her websites and it is a very interesting read. Her love for life is rare (though I seem to have said this about quite a number of people) and even contagious.
An idea hit me today. It’s a semi-business idea, one of the many which I occasionally have. I thought of bringing huge pieces of cardboard and markers to basketball games, and charge people a few dollars to make their own posters. This way, the stadium atmosphere can be totally intense, while I make a little dough. It is not the money that matters to me, but rather the chance at making a difference. Well, I’m not sure if I have the guts to carry out my plans. I don’t know if being in business college is truly something I’m cut out to do. I don’t possess the courage or determination to push a sale, or stick to an offer. Much as I would like, the days of business being a service to society seem to have passed me by. Handshakes are no longer trustworthy, and the spoken word is as intangible as the wind. Maybe Holden was right, the older we grow, the more “phony” we get. Holden loves his kid sister. I miss my innocence. I strive to keep it, even in the face of friends who often tell me of things I lose by being such an idealist. I hope to have something beautiful left in me to pass down to my children.
When Holden’s kid sister Phoebe asked him what he wanted to do if he had his choice he replied
Anyway I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody’s around - nobody big, I mean, except me. And I’m standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. I mean, if they’re running and they don’t look where they’re going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That’s all I’d do all day. I know it’s crazy, but that’s the only thing I’d really like to be. I know it’s crazy.
School dropout. Antisocial. Lonely. Depressed. That’s Holden for you. Idealistic, hopeful, forlorn that the world isn’t what it should be for the children. That’s Holden for me. In so many ways, I too, want to be the Catcher in the Rye.