These past few months of musing over job opportunities has run me ragged. I have not applied indiscriminately for many jobs, and the ones that really caught my eye never came back to me.
I’ve mentioned my thoughts of starting my own web design agency. I am thankful for Faith, who has been a more wonderful wife than I ever dreamed anyone could be. Instead of chiding me for my financial “discontributions”, she asks me to take the time I need to live out my own ideals.
I have seen the work of many web design companies here in Singapore and there are times I stand appalled at the lack of quality. In my mind I lay down rules for my yet imaginary company: things I should do; and things I shouldn’t.
But I am reminded that my life is in God’s hands. Not only for His provision, but for His pleasure. It is to be used as He sees fit. I sometimes beg that my lofty plans of opening my little web design bakery falls within His plans for me, but I know God doesn’t work that way.
My all has to be laid on His altar. My dreams, my hopes, my ambitions. My skills, my life. The song “Is Your All On The Altar?” goes:
Is your all on the altar of sacrifice laid, your heart, does the Spirit control?
A life with Christ means a life for Christ. My dad named me “Lucian” after a preacher whose words touched his life. Though my memory of it is vague, I seem to remember that the name came with hopes that I’d be a missionary too. Those hopes gave way to pragmatism somewhere along the way and were never uttered again.
Lord, I yield you my body and soul. There is nothing hidden from you. I hold on to the ashes of an Adamic life and I taste its futility. I only ask that You take me wherever You lead. I leave my nets behind. I want so much to follow.