I found myself wandering in town yesterday. Faith had gone to attend the wedding dinner of a colleague. Somehow I felt so lost without her on a rainy night. I took a bus to nowhere in particular, to see nothing in particular. I landed in Funan Center in an attempt to relive the life of a schoolboy fascinated by the latest computer games. But this time the enthusiasm seemed dimmed.
It made me think about where the line ended for two who had become one. Was I socially inept now that I have come to depend on her constant companionship?
Maybe it was the heavy rain that made me feel out of sorts, or the fact that I was suffering the effects of a lingering flu. On any normal day, I would be hitting the basketball courts whenever Faith wasn’t free to hear me crack lame jokes or expound my theories on why every year feels shorter when we get older.
The rain prevented me from heading to the usual hideout and I found myself so utterly inadequate, so incomplete. There is always the fear that I am a reduced version of who I used to be, but I know that it is because I have tasted life with her, and settling for anything else would be a compromise I couldn’t live with.
You could call me handicapped. Or it could be I’m still madly in love with the girl I married.